When 24-year-old Natasha Suman moved back into her parents' home in Bedford after university, she only expected it to be for a "few months" while she searched for her first job. But almost three years later, she's still there, saving for a deposit on her first home. The marketing coordinator pays towards bills but doesn't pay rent, so is able to put aside £1,000 a month into savings – something she says would have been impossible had she lived by herself, given the "cost of living".
Yet the arrangement has come at a cost of its own. Natasha admits she has "less freedom" than when she lived independently and generally does fewer "spontaneous things". She also argues more with her family than she used to, despite feeling very fortunate to live with them. "When I left home [for university], I was a very different person, and by the time I came back, I had essentially become an adult," she says. "Because of that, there have definitely been some clashes between me and my parents."
“24-year-old Natasha Suman moved back home after university and three years later still lives with parents, saving £1,000 a month.”
For Natasha and her parents, Rita and Pawan, flashpoints have included shared use of the family car after her own vehicle broke down, disagreements over how chores are divided, and how much time to spend together – with her parents wanting to see more of her. "It has been an adjustment for all of us," she says. "A lot of these disagreements stem from the fact that we are now four adults living together, all with our own routines, expectations and opinions."
The family has avoided problems by having conversations early on. Her parents set "clear expectations" such as cleaning up after herself and making her own lunch. They have also discussed privacy, with Natasha asking her parents to knock before coming into her room. "I tend to spend more time in my room to relax and unwind than I did before. Initially, my parents did not really understand this, but after talking about it, they have become more understanding."
The proportion of people in their 20s and 30s living with their parents has increased sharply over the last three decades, as rising house prices and rents have forced many to move back in to save for their first home. While it can be a practical way to save money or deal with the loss of a job or a relationship breakdown, it often comes with frustrations, such as feeling like you've lost your independence or even regressed to childhood.
Loss of privacy is one of the most common issues adult children face when they live with their parents, says Dr Fenia Christodoulidi, head of training and consultancy at counselling service Relate. Disagreements about overnight stays, guests, noise levels and use of shared spaces are all common problems, she says. Some parents also comment on their adult children's lifestyles.
Caroline Bentham has lived with her mother Mary for nearly seven years, illustrating how such arrangements can stretch far beyond a short-term solution.