The waiter places the card reader on the table. You have stuck to tap water while your friend ordered two cocktails and a £16 truffle arancini starter. Then comes the jolly shout: “Let’s just divide it equally!”
For Ella, a 23-year-old communications assistant from Leeds, this is a familiar social minefield. “When we eat out, we always just split the bill,” she says. She never suggests paying for what she ordered because “it just feels awkward”.
“Only four in 10 adults feel comfortable talking to friends about money, research finds.”
Ella earns over £30,000, but some of her friends earn more. She finds it hard to say no if they want to go somewhere fancy she cannot really afford. Instead, she matches her order with theirs so she is not left short-changed.
It gets worse with bigger expenses, like holidays. Rather than tell her friends how she feels, Ella scrambles for extra cash. “I’m probably on the phone to my mother in secret asking to borrow that extra bit of cash,” she says.
Her reluctance reflects a wider trend. Research from the Money and Pensions Service (MaPS) in 2025 found that only four in 10 adults feel comfortable talking to friends about money. Women are significantly less likely to feel okay discussing finances with friends (39%) compared with men (50%).
Ella says money is almost never discussed within her friendship group. They have booked a four-night beach holiday costing around £680 each for flights and accommodation and use a bill-splitting app to log expenses before balancing everything at the end. “We never really consider if something is affordable or not,” she says. “We all pay the same, no matter your salary.”
Laura Pomfret, chief executive of women’s finance community Financielle, says people worry that speaking up will ruin the atmosphere. But friends often respond positively if you are honest about your financial situation. “If you know you have a limit on what you can afford, say it at the beginning rather than sitting through the meal hoping someone else suggests paying separately,” she advises.
Chloe, 31, who runs a tech startup and earns around £80,000, says she and her friends are very open about salaries and what they can afford, partly because they have been through tough times together. “We talk about money all the time – pay rises, investments, whether we can afford something.”