The waiter places the card reader on the table and a jolly friend shouts: “let’s just divide it equally!” For many, that moment is a social minefield. One friend ordered two cocktails. Another ‘just wanted to try’ the £16 truffle arancini starter. But you stuck religiously to tap water.
Ella, a 23-year-old communications assistant from Leeds, knows the feeling well. She earns over £30,000 but some of her friends earn more, and she finds it hard to say no when they want to go somewhere a bit fancy. Instead of speaking up, she matches her order with theirs so she isn’t left feeling short-changed. When it comes to bigger ticket items like holidays, she scrabbles for extra money. “I’m probably on the phone to my mother in secret asking to borrow that extra bit of cash,” she says.
“Only 4 in 10 adults feel comfortable discussing money with friends, research finds as diners struggle with bill-splitting.”
Her reluctance reflects a wider trend. Research from the Money and Pensions Service (MaPS) in 2025 found that only four in 10 adults feel comfortable talking to friends about money, with women significantly less likely to feel okay discussing finances (39%) than men (50%). Ella says money is almost never discussed within her friendship group. They have booked a four-night beach holiday costing around £680 each for flights and accommodation, and are using a bill-splitting app to log expenses. “We never really consider if something is affordable or not,” she says. “We all pay the same, no matter your salary.”
Laura Pomfret, chief executive of women’s finance community Financielle, says people worry that speaking up will ruin the atmosphere. But friends often respond positively if you are honest about your financial situation, she advises. “If you know you have a limit on what you can afford, say it at the beginning rather than sitting through the meal hoping someone else suggests paying separately.”
Chloe, 31, who runs a tech startup and earns around £80,000, says she and her friends are very open about salaries and what they can afford, partly because they have been through tough times together. “We talk about money all the time – pay rises, investments, whether we can afford something.”
For Ella, the cost of silence is mounting: she never suggests paying for just what she ordered because “it just feels awkward”.