When Natasha Suman moved back into her parents’ home in Bedford after finishing university, she expected it to be for just a few months while she searched for her first job. Almost three years later, the 24-year-old marketing coordinator is still there – and saving £1,000 a month towards a deposit on her first home.
She pays towards bills but not rent, a setup that would have been “impossible” had she lived alone, given the cost of living. But the arrangement has come at a price: “less freedom” than when she lived independently, fewer “spontaneous things”, and more arguments with her family.
“24-year-old Natasha Suman saves £1,000 a month living with parents after university, but clashes over independence.”
“When I left home [for university], I was a very different person, and by the time I came back, I had essentially become an adult,” Suman said. “Because of that, there have definitely been some clashes between me and my parents.”
For Suman and her parents, Rita and Pawan, flashpoints have included shared use of the family car after her own vehicle broke down, disagreements over how chores are divided, and how much time to spend together – with her parents wanting to see more of her. “It has been an adjustment for all of us. A lot of these disagreements stem from the fact that we are now four adults living together, all with our own routines, expectations and opinions,” she said.
The proportion of people in their 20s and 30s living with their parents has increased sharply over the last three decades, as rising house prices and rents have forced many to move back in to save for their first home. While it can be a practical way to save money or deal with the loss of a job or a relationship breakdown, it often comes with frustrations such as feeling like you’ve lost your independence or even regressed to childhood.
Dr Fenia Christodoulidi, head of training and consultancy at the counselling service Relate, said loss of privacy is one of the most common issues adult children face when living with parents. Disagreements about overnight stays, guests, noise levels and use of shared spaces are all common problems, and some parents also comment on their adult children’s lifestyle.
Suman said problems have been avoided by having conversations early on. Her parents set “clear expectations”, such as cleaning up after herself and making her own lunch. The family has also discussed privacy, with Suman asking her parents to knock before coming into her room. “I tend to spend more time in my room to relax and unwind than I did before. Initially, my parents did not really understand this, but after talking about it, they have become more understanding,” she said.
Caroline Bentham has lived with her mother Mary for nearly seven years.