The waiter places the card reader on the table. You do the mental arithmetic – two cocktails for one friend, a £16 truffle arancini starter for another, while you stuck to tap water. But before you can speak, a jolly voice shouts: “Let’s just divide it equally!”
For many, that moment is a social minefield. Ella, a 23-year-old communications assistant from Leeds, knows it well. She earns over £30,000, but some of her friends earn more and she finds it hard to say no when they want to go somewhere fancy. Instead, she matches her order with theirs so she isn’t left feeling short-changed. When it’s a big ticket item like a holiday, she scrabbles for extra money rather than speak up. “I’m probably on the phone to my mother in secret asking to borrow that extra bit of cash,” she says.
“Splitting bills equally among friends causes social anxiety, with many borrowing secretly from family to keep up.”
Her reluctance reflects a wider trend. Research from the Money and Pensions Service (MaPS) in 2025 found that only four in 10 adults feel comfortable talking to friends about money, with women significantly less likely to feel okay discussing finances (39%) compared to men (50%). Ella says money is almost never discussed within her friendship group. They have booked a four-night beach holiday costing around £680 each for flights and accommodation, using a bill-splitting app to log expenses. “We never really consider if something is affordable or not,” she says. “We all pay the same, no matter your salary.”
But some friends break the taboo. Chloe, 31, who runs a tech startup and earns around £80,000, says she and her friends are very open about salaries and what they can afford, partly because they have been through tough times together. “We talk about money all the time – pay rises, investments, whether we can afford something,” she says.
Laura Pomfret, chief executive of women’s finance community Financielle, says people worry that speaking up will ruin the atmosphere, but friends often respond positively if you are honest. “If you know you have a limit on what you can afford, say it at the beginning rather than sitting through the meal hoping someone else suggests paying separately,” she advises.
For those still struggling to say no, the cost of silence can be high. As Ella puts it, the bill is never just about the food.