When 24-year-old Natasha Suman moved back into her parents’ home in Bedford after university, she expected it to be for a “few months” while she searched for her first job. Almost three years later, she is still there, saving for a deposit on her first home.
The marketing coordinator pays towards bills but does not pay rent, allowing her to put aside £1,000 a month into savings – something she says would have been impossible had she lived by herself, given the “cost of living”. But the arrangement has come at a cost of its own. Natasha admits she has “less freedom” than when she lived independently and generally does fewer “spontaneous things”. She also argues more with her family than she used to, despite feeling “very fortunate” to live with them.
“Natasha Suman, 24, lives with parents three years after university, saving £1,000 a month for a deposit.”
“When I left home [for university], I was a very different person, and by the time I came back, I had essentially become an adult,” she says. “Because of that, there have definitely been some clashes between me and my parents.”
The proportion of people in their 20s and 30s living with their parents has increased sharply over the last three decades, as rising house prices and rents force many to move back in to save for a first home. For Natasha and her parents, Rita and Pawan, flashpoints have included shared use of the family car after her own vehicle broke down, disagreements over how chores are divided, and how much time to spend together – with her parents wanting to see more of her.
“It has been an adjustment for all of us,” Natasha says. “A lot of these disagreements stem from the fact that we are now four adults living together, all with our own routines, expectations and opinions.”
Problems have been avoided by having conversations early on. Her parents set “clear expectations” such as cleaning up after herself and making her own lunch. The family has also discussed privacy, with Natasha asking her parents to knock before coming into her room. “I tend to spend more time in my room to relax and unwind than I did before,” she says. “Initially, my parents did not really understand this, but after talking about it, they have become more understanding.”
Loss of privacy is one of the most common issues adult children face when living with their parents, says Dr Fenia Christodoulidi, head of training and consultancy at counselling service Relate. Disagreements about overnight stays, guests, noise levels and use of shared spaces are all common problems, she adds. Some parents also comment on their adult children’s lifestyles, further straining relationships. For Natasha, the key has been dialogue – and the knowledge that, while the arrangement is not forever, it is making her dream of homeownership a reality.