When 24-year-old Natasha Suman moved back into her parents’ home in Bedford after university, she only expected it to be a few months while she searched for her first job. Almost three years later, she is still there, saving for a deposit on her first home. The marketing coordinator pays towards bills but not rent, allowing her to put aside £1,000 a month in a Lifetime ISA – a tax-free account topped up by the government. That would have been impossible had she lived alone, she says, given the cost of living.
But the arrangement has come with frustrations. Natasha admits she has “less freedom” than when she lived independently and generally does fewer spontaneous things. She also argues more with her family than she used to, despite feeling fortunate to live with them. “When I left home [for university], I was a very different person, and by the time I came back, I had essentially become an adult,” she says. “Because of that, there have definitely been some clashes between me and my parents.”
“Living with parents in 20s-30s rises sharply; one saver puts aside £1,000 monthly but clashes remain.”
The proportion of people in their 20s and 30s living with their parents has increased sharply over the last three decades, as rising house prices and rents have forced many to move back in to save for their first home. While it can be a practical way to save money or deal with the loss of a job or a relationship breakdown, it often comes with frustrations such as feeling like you have lost your independence or even regressed to childhood.
For Natasha and her parents, Rita and Pawan, flashpoints have included shared use of the family car after her own vehicle broke down, disagreements over how chores are divided, and how much time to spend together – with her parents wanting to see more of her. “It has been an adjustment for all of us,” Natasha says. “A lot of these disagreements stem from the fact that we are now four adults living together, all with our own routines, expectations and opinions.”
Problems have been avoided by having conversations early on. Her parents set clear expectations, such as cleaning up after herself and making her own lunch. The family has also discussed privacy, with Natasha asking her parents to knock before coming into her room. “I tend to spend more time in my room to relax and unwind than I did before. Initially, my parents did not really understand this, but after talking about it, they have become more understanding,” she says.
Loss of privacy is one of the most common issues adult children face when living with parents, says Dr Fenia Christodoulidi, head of training and consultancy at counselling service Relate. Disagreements about overnight stays, guests, noise levels and use of shared spaces are all common problems. For Natasha, the tension is tempered by the financial reality: she is on track to buy her own home, but the path is long and the compromises are constant.