The waiter places the card reader on the table. One friend has downed two cocktails, another has ordered the £16 truffle arancini starter. You stuck to tap water. Then comes the jolly shout: "Let's just divide it equally!"
For many, that moment is a social minefield. Ella, a 23-year-old communications assistant from Leeds, knows it well. She earns over £30,000 but some of her friends earn more, and she finds it hard to say no when they want to go somewhere fancier than she can afford. Instead, she matches her order to theirs so she isn't left feeling short-changed.
“Only 4 in 10 adults feel comfortable discussing money with friends, leaving many to secretly borrow or match orders.”
It is worse on holiday. Rather than speak up, Ella says she "scrabbles around" for extra money. "I'm probably on the phone to my mother in secret asking to borrow that extra bit of cash," she admits. Her friendship group has booked a four-night beach holiday costing around £680 each for flights and accommodation, using a bill-splitting app to log expenses. "We never really consider if something is affordable or not," she says. "We all pay the same, no matter your salary."
Her reluctance reflects a wider trend. Research from the Money and Pensions Service (MaPS) in 2025 found that only four in 10 adults feel comfortable talking to friends about money, with women significantly less likely (39%) than men (50%).
Laura Pomfret, chief executive of the women's finance community Financielle, says people worry that speaking up will ruin the atmosphere. But friends often respond positively if you are honest about your financial situation. "If you know you have a limit on what you can afford, say it at the beginning rather than sitting through the meal hoping someone else suggests paying separately," she advises.
Not everyone struggles. Chloe, 31, who runs a tech startup and earns around £80,000, says she and her friends are very open about salaries and what they can afford, partly because they have been through tough times together. "We talk about money all the time - pay rises, investments, whether we can afford something."
For Ella, the solution remains elusive. She never suggests paying only for what she has ordered because "it just feels awkward". So she continues to match orders, scrape by, and secretly call her mother for help.