The card reader lands on the table. One friend ordered two cocktails; another scoffed a £16 truffle arancini starter. You stuck to tap water, but before you can calculate your share, the jolly friend shouts: "let's just divide it equally!"
It is a social minefield that plays out in restaurants across the country — and one that many people, particularly women, find impossible to navigate. Research from the Money and Pensions Service (MaPS) in 2025 found that only four in 10 adults feel comfortable talking to friends about money. Women are significantly less likely to feel okay discussing finances with friends (39%) compared to men (50%).
“Only four in 10 adults feel comfortable discussing money with friends, a 2025 study found.”
Ella, a 23-year-old communications assistant from Leeds, knows the feeling all too well. She earns over £30,000 — but some of her friends earn more, and she finds it hard to say no when they want to go somewhere a bit fancy that she cannot really afford. Instead, she matches her order with theirs so she does not feel short-changed. "When we eat out, we always just split the bill," she says. "It just feels awkward."
The problem escalates when the shared expense is big — like a holiday. Rather than tell her friends how she feels, Ella scrabbles around for extra money. "I'm probably on the phone to my mother in secret asking to borrow that extra bit of cash," she admits.
Her group has booked a four-night beach holiday costing around £680 each for flights and accommodation, using a bill-splitting app to log expenses before balancing everything at the end. "We never really consider if something is affordable or not," Ella says. "We all pay the same, no matter your salary."
Laura Pomfret, chief executive of women's finance community Financielle, says people worry that speaking up will ruin the atmosphere. But friends often respond positively if you are honest about your financial situation. "If you know you have a limit on what you can afford, say it at the beginning rather than sitting through the meal hoping someone else suggests paying separately," she advises.
Not everyone struggles with the conversation. Chloe, 31, who runs a tech startup and earns around £80,000, says she and her friends are very open about salaries and what they can afford, partly because they have been through tough times together. "We talk about money all the time — pay rises, investments, whether we can afford something," she says.
For Ella, that openness remains elusive. In the face of yet another equal split, she keeps quiet, hoping the next invitation might come with a separate cheque.