Three years ago, Natasha Suman moved back into her parents’ home in Bedford expecting to stay only a “few months” while she searched for her first job. Almost three years later, the 24-year-old marketing coordinator is still there, saving for a deposit on her first home. She pays towards bills but not rent, allowing her to put aside £1,000 a month into savings – something she says would have been impossible if she lived alone, given the “cost of living”. Yet the arrangement has come at a cost of its own. Natasha admits she has “less freedom” than when she lived independently and generally does fewer “spontaneous things”. She also argues more with her family than she used to, despite feeling very fortunate to live with them. “When I left home [for university], I was a very different person, and by the time I came back, I had essentially become an adult. Because of that, there have definitely been some clashes between me and my parents,” she says.
The proportion of people in their twenties and thirties living with their parents has increased sharply over the last three decades as rising house prices and rents force many to move back in to save for a first home. For Natasha and her parents, Rita and Pawan, flashpoints have included shared use of the family car after her own vehicle broke down, disagreements over how chores are divided, and how much time to spend together – with her parents wanting to see more of her. “It has been an adjustment for all of us. A lot of these disagreements stem from the fact that we are now four adults living together, all with our own routines, expectations and opinions,” she says.
“Three years after moving home, a 24-year-old is still living with parents, saving £1,000 a month but facing clashes over freedom and privacy.”
Problems have been avoided by having conversations early on. Her parents set “clear expectations” such as cleaning up after herself and making her own lunch. The family has also discussed privacy, with Natasha asking her parents to knock before coming into her room. “I tend to spend more time in my room to relax and unwind than I did before. Initially, my parents did not really understand this, but after talking about it, they have become more understanding,” she says.
Loss of privacy is one of the most common issues adult children face when living with parents, according to Dr Fenia Christodoulidi, head of training and consultancy at counselling service Relate. Disagreements about overnight stays, guests, noise levels and use of shared spaces are all common problems, she says. Some parents also comment on their adult children’s lifestyles, adding to the tension. Caroline Bentham, who has lived with her mother Mary for nearly seven years, knows this well. For many young adults, the arrangement – born of economic necessity – is a fragile balance between financial gain and personal strain.